Don't call me brave!!!

I hope I won't offend anyone too much by getting this off my chest. If there is one single word in the English language which has the ability to irritate me more than any other, it is the word "brave", particularly when used in the sentences "you're so brave" or "I think you are really brave" etc I generally let it go, as I know people's intentions are good, and that thoughts like these come from a good place... However, I never know how to react, because I honestly don't think brvery has much to do with the whole cancer erxperience. I know from talking to others who have experience similar, that I am not alone in feeling like this. There is nothing brave or inspiring about getting ill. The simple fact is that it happens. You have to get on with it because you have no option. People seem to interpret this acceptance as omrhting else. I am not brave by nature. I get spooked by horror films, don't like walking outside at night time, and am scared everytime I read about another natural disaster in the paper, truth is, I'm actually a bit of a wuss!
hen it comes to my illness, of course, I get scared, I'm scared of the unknown; as yet I have no idea of the size of the tumour, or even if it's the same type as last time. \i'm scared about the possible effects of another operation, and scared about whether or not surgery is even an option. I'm also anxious about the prospect of chemo- I've never had it before; last time I had surgery followed by radiotherapy, but they don't generally radiate brains twice. So on reflection don't feel brave at all.
I think, that people see my ability to talk about it and deal with it as some brave action, whereas I see it more as preparation and dealing with what you have to. The early days are all a bit of a waiting game, whilst you wait for appointments and decisions to com together, meanwhile you have no choice but to carry on with life. It's all about self-preservation, I refuse to bcome soley "cancer" and that's the biggest fear, that people stop seing me as "Lucy" and can only see the popular media idea of "The brave cancer survivor" I'm not stupid, having a brin tumour is bloody scary (obviously) but nothing you do or say will make it go away, that's down to doctors, modern technology and a bit of luck! If you've ever cut yourself, think about it- you exclaim in pain, maybe even cry for a couple of seconds, but then clean it up, put a plaster on it and then get on with your day. Choosing to carry on is just what you have to do, thids is not that different it's just the word "cancer" is so terrifying to the general public, but when you've already been through it once, your perspective is a little different.
So next time you speak to me, just call me Lucy, please don't call me brave!

plese keep donating to the wonderful people at BT buddies via my Just giving page: justgiving.com/lucycunnington0