recclaiming ambidexterity...

As most of you who have been following this blog know; I have been without the use of my left hand (and arm) for about 2 months now.
Strangely, thre first hint I had that my hand was getting weaker was way back in November, when I tried playing Guitar Hero on the Wii. Now, I am obviously a very modest person, but it is no exageration to state, that before the tumour I was most fantastically kick-ass at this very game!
However on this occasion, I found my fingers kept sliding off the required buttons, and I couldn't keep them there, so began making stupid mistakes and failing to get anywhere near good. Over the next few weeks, I noticed my arm and hand getting weaker and weaker, until I couldn't keep my arm raised for more than a few seconds, couldn't use my hand at all, and needed help with the most basic activities such as tying my hair up, doing up my shoelaces, and cutting up my dinner. It's been a particular blow to me as I have always been fairly ambidextrous, and able to use both hands equally. Although predominently right-handed, I could do most things with my left hand, even rwriting, although not as neatly (due to lack of practice).

Since the weakness got really bad (from just before Christmas) my arm and hand have felt dead. Not only could I not use them, but I couldn't feel them either; meaning a few scary incidences such as burning my hand on the top of a radiator, without realising it had slipped there, knocking things over, and finding myself halfway through a meal with my hand in the dinner! also equally embarassing are the elements of weakness to other parts of my left side, such as dribbling and not realising I have food on my face being a prime example.

However, hopefully the clouds are clearing a little. Soon after my first chemo cycle, I noticed that my arm was feeling warm- not hot, just naturally alive warm, as opposed to icy and dead! Then just before my 2nd cycle started, I realised I could hold things for a short period of time (a few seconds) in my left hand.I also found I finally had enough flexibility to do my own hair. Since finishing the second cycle on Wednesday, I can add using cutlery to my repatoire! I wouldn't say it feels completely normal yet, I still have to concentrate really hard on holding on to the fork, but at least it means I can cut up my own dinner!

Before everyone gets carried away, my left side has a long way to go. I still find two-hand typing clumsy and difficult (have written all this with one hand) and there is still some dribbling which irritates the hell out of me! I am also still using a stick outside, although my walking is getting stronger, so think I'll be able to do without soon. The main thing now is that there is hope that the treatment is actually doing something! And that all the tiredness, stress and sickness will be worth it.