I'm aware I've been posting a lot of blog updates over the last week o so, think it's primarily the boredom of not having much to do (ironically even if I did, I'd have no energy to do anything!), so as ever writing becomes my hobby of choice (have also been adding to my story writing in short bursts).
The thing I am relaising about having a brain tumour is that, just when you think you're done with strange suide effects and symptoms, a whole new batch make an appearance.
The reason it's taken two tumours to realise this is simple. First time round I had an operation very soon after dianosis and at least 95% of the tumour was removed, and with it most of the symptoms. Second time round, no surgery and chemo is a slightly slower process.
On the plus side (as mentioned before) I do have use of my lef hand and arm again, and my leg seems to have regained some strength. However I have still extremely numb finger tips ( not quite up to playing Guitar Hero again yet!) and regular bouts of extreme cold in my left arm. Actually as I write this, my arm is icey to the touch, and with this coldness, I get a tingly pins and needles down my arm, and often(especially in the evenings) get cramp in my hand and fingers.
I am also haing problems with my skin. My face now gets incredably dry, so I use a lot of moisturiser every morning and bedtime. And much of my body (mostly my left side feels tender and bruised. I am well aware that bruising is a common side-effect from chemo. At the moment there is no sign of actual bruises on the skin, but I reularly feel like someone has kicked me in the hip and the side of my stomach. Add to this the struggle to eat (I hardly ever feel hungry) and all I can say is this week hasn't been my favourite!
I also find I can't eat a lot of the foods I used to, I feel sick even at the thought of bananas (once one of my favourite fruits) and find potatoes relly hard to digest, milk and yoghurt also taste vey differnt (not in a good way!) now.
I think a lot of these are side effects the average person doesnt think about. When someone finds out you have cancer I think they often assume you feel sick and tired ll the time, but (hopefully!) treatment will make you feel better. Unfortunately, generlly the treatment makes you feel a lot worse, and it's only hope that in the long distant future, you will indeed feel better that keeps you going. Especially when you way up the (not really any) choices. You either feel bad now and keep going, or give up treatment and cease to be- not relly a difficult choice to make!
I am tentatively looking towards the future. I recently saw a great teaching job advertised in one of my dream locations- Paris. After lots of umming and ahhing, I decided there was no harm in at least requesting information as the job doesnt actually start unti Sept 2012, so will keep everything crossed that I'll be feeling better by then, and ready for another adventure.
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