The Other "What if..?" question...and Bert.

This is not going to be another depressing rant, promise! There have been far too of those in the last three days and it stops NOW! Since my minor break down on Friday, I have spent too much time thinking about the "ehat if it doesn't work?! question, when I should be focussing on the other question : " What if it DOES?". 'Cause here's the thing. Chemotherapy drugs cost money, and what with the recession and a National Health Service stretched to it's limits, my doctor is not going to waste resources on me unless it has a good chance of doing something! This treatment is my chance to grab some life back and (hopefully) feel a bit more normal (for me anyway!) for a while. I am determined to hope for the best, and to keep my thoughts positive- I HATE emotional Lucy, Sarcastic funny and slightly warped Lucy is much more fun! Oh and in order to not let my tumour ruin anymore of my life, I have decided to name it Bert- after the character in Sesame Street; always liked Ernie, but Bert was a miserable git it's easy to get angry at, but almost impossible to fear a muppet, so Bert watch out, your days are numbered!